


Revolve

by sadbibarnes



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Hogwarts, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Orion Black's A+ Parenting, POV Sirius Black
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:00:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29234937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadbibarnes/pseuds/sadbibarnes
Summary: Following Sirius through the first few years at Hogwarts, we go on a journey of self-discovery. (I'm bad at summaries)
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 23





	Revolve

**Hogwarts Express, September 1971**

“Remember what we said, Sirius. You are not to mingle with traitors -” Walburga Black spoke quickly, quietly, in the young boy’s ear, her words clipped. 

“- mudbloods or half-breeds. Yes mother, you’ve said. I won’t do anything to embarrass you,” Sirius spoke to the floor, refusing to meet his mother’s eye in case she could tell he was lying. That’s exactly what he intended to do as soon as his parents and brother were gone. 

“Good, we’re on the same page then,” his mother looked down at him - on him really - and walked away without a goodbye. Regulus waved and followed his parents. 

_Oh thank god_ , Sirius thought, grabbing his trunk and climbing onto the train and searching for a compartment. Preferably one with people in it, the more the better, lest he be alone with his thoughts. On the first try, he found a compartment with only one boy in it. He seemed to be absorbed in his book, curled in the corner against the window without noticing Sirius at all. Sirius noticed some scars on his hands, the skin a bit pink but in the later stages of healing. 

Sirius realized he was staring. 

“Are you going to say something or just stare?” the boy said, a Welsh accent shocking Sirius out of his thoughts, “It’s extremely rude,” he slid his eyes from his book to Sirius, glaring. 

Every thought Sirius had ever had left his mind, leaving him with, “What are you reading?” 

The boy scoffed and rolled his eyes, “I feel like you wouldn’t know it - it’s a muggle book.” 

Sirius couldn’t tell him he was right, but he was even more curious now. His mission to find a full compartment abandoned, he sat across from this strange, scarred boy, “Humor me.” 

The boy glared, put his finger in the book and closed it around his hand, “Chronicles of Narnia. It’s fantasy - basically a retelling of the Bible,” he stared Sirius down. 

None of those words meant anything to Sirius, but leaving now seemed like an impossible endeavor, “Sounds… interesting.” 

The boy rolled his eyes again, realizing that Sirius wasn’t going to leave, and went back to his book without responding. 

The compartment door opened and two boys nearly fell in, one with wild hair and glasses, the other small and slightly afraid of whatever had caused them to fall in, “Did you see his face! Bloody brilliant, he’s fuming and we haven’t even left yet!” the boy with glasses was in his own world, talking to the smaller boy until he finally noticed there were other people in the compartment, “Oh. Sorry! Just… yeah sorry.” 

Sirius’ companion’s glare was back, this time directed at the new people - one of them was James Potter, but Sirius wasn’t sure who the other one was. Oh, this was perfect. The Potters were the exact wrong people for Sirius to spend time with. 

“Potter,” Sirius finally said. 

“Yeah? That’s me,” James smiled, a perfectly charming smile that probably worked wonders on adults, as a look of understanding overcame his face, “Oh! Black! This is… perfect! Completely perfect!”

“Black?!” the smaller boy squawked, a look of panic completely dominating his face, “As in…?” 

“Yes, the Most Ancient and Noble House, et cetera,” Sirius responded, irritation growing in his chest. 

The boy against the window had gone back to reading, ignoring the three boys who had joined him. If possible, he had curled more in on himself, distancing himself from the others. 

“This is great! Sirius, right?” James was nearly vibrating with excitement, sitting next to Sirius, who nodded, “Brilliant, this is Peter Pettigrew, we grew up next door to each other.” 

“Pleasure,” Sirius nodded at Peter, still uncomfortably aware of the fourth boy, who was pointedly ignoring them, “so, whose face should we have seen?” 

“I’m not sure what his name is, but he looked greasy - like he hasn’t washed his hair in years,” James was in his own world about this, “he was sitting next to the love of my life-” 

“Love of your life? Have you met this person before?” Sirius interjected, not fully listening but still interested. 

“No, I just saw her for the first time,” James sighed, “but she’s perfect.” 

Sirius looked at the boy across from him, working the idea of _perfect_ around in his head. The train started to move as the four boys settled in. 

“Wait,” James said suddenly, “we didn’t ask you who you are!” 

Book boy tensed when James pointed at him, a mild look of fear coming over his face for a second before he covered it, “What?” 

“Your name. What is it?” James asked tactlessly, “We’re going to be here for a while, so we should know your name at least.” 

“Uh, Remus,” he said shortly, clearly annoyed by James bothering him, “Lupin.” 

Peter smiled next to Remus - _Remus_ , Sirius thought, _that’s an interesting name_ \- and stuck out his hand, “Cool name! I’m Peter.” 

Remus looked at Peter’s hand like it was diseased, and Sirius felt the same protective feeling that he had for Regulus. An urge to step in front of Remus, to stop Peter - or anyone - from touching him. He watched Remus tug at his jumper sleeve to cover his wrist and hand before he shook Peter’s hand, “Thanks, it’s a name I suppose. Not as interesting as Sirius, though,” he smiled a little, took his hand back, and went back to his book after nodding at James. 

A wave of jealousy rippled through Sirius when Peter and Remus’ hands met, which was at best confusing. _Why hadn’t he shaken his hand?_ Watching Remus go back to his book, Sirius found himself leaning into the window in the same way. He listened to James wax poetic about this redheaded girl with the greasy boy, watching the boy across from him as the sun set across the Scottish landscape. 

When Remus Lupin - _Remus Lupin_ \- got sorted into Gryffindor, Sirius’ heart swelled. He had found a group of best friends to spend his days with. Finally. 

**Gryffindor Common Room, October 1972**

Something was off. Sirius couldn’t put his finger on it, but Remus’ story about visiting his family monthly seemed… off. Especially when he would come back with cracked ribs, new bruises, scars, cuts, and once a limp. Something, Sirius decided, had to be said. 

“Does Lupin’s story seem off to you?” Sirius finally asked James over their History of Magic notes. 

“Hm?” James looked up across the table in the common room - their unofficial spot in the evening, “What do you mean?” 

“Going to see his family. Does it seem… like a lie?” 

James thought for a minute before responding, “Not really. We don’t know him that well, Sirius.” 

“He’s our best friend.” 

“I know, but I’m just saying that there’s probably not anything deeper going on. He trips over his own feet all the time - he’s probably just getting used to his body,” James told Sirius sensibly, “he did grow a bit over the summer.” 

Sirius nodded, not saying that the first thing he noticed about Remus in September was the way his legs stuck into the middle of their compartment. Sirius had rested his ankles against Remus’, and Sirius swore he saw a smile, “Maybe. It just seems… off.” 

James looked upward, as if asking God for assistance, “If you’re concerned, just ask him,” he looked directly at Sirius, “What did you say about the International Warlock Convention?” 

Sirius pressed his feet against James’ leg - _touch starved_ Remus had said - and thought, “Didn’t they decide that the Sardinians were wrong about… something.” 

James pushed Sirius’ feet away, “Yeah but… about what?”

Sirius and James looked through their textbooks as the sun went down and candles came on, moving from subject to subject, History of Magic to Transfiguration to Potions to Defense Against the Dark Arts. Sirius looked out the window at the full moon, wondering if Remus was still awake at home or if he was asleep. He heard a wolf howl outside, and checked the time, “It’s late. We should get some sleep,” he scooted around the table and put his head on James’ shoulder.

“You’re just upset that Remus isn’t here for you to put your head on. Stop _touching_ me!” James elbowed Sirius in the ribs, and closed his textbooks, “But you’re right. Let’s go.” 

Sirius pouted, “I am not upset,” he collected his textbooks and parchment. 

James laughed, “Whatever you need to tell yourself.” 

Sirius followed James up the stairs to the dorm they shared with Remus and Peter, Peter snoring away in the corner. Sirius looked at the empty bed while he got dressed for bed, sad - _concerned_ \- that his friend wasn’t there. He crawled into bed, pulled the drapes around the side of the bed the window didn’t reach, and lay there, not sleeping, until the sun came up. He dozed a bit until he heard someone come in. Peeking out from the drapes, he saw Remus slightly limping toward his bed. 

Sirius watched as Remus slowly pulled off his robes, he winced a bit when he went to pull his shirt off. His left arm was wrapped in a bandage up to the elbow, some blood seeping through. Remus changed into his pyjamas and crawled gently into bed. Sirius waited a beat before climbing out of his bed and toward Remus’ - just like every time he came back from home. 

“Remus,” Sirius said softly, climbing into Remus’ bed, “are you okay?” 

Remus looked at him, hazel eyes meeting silver, and responded, “Yeah, why?” 

Sirius sat cross-legged, knee touching Remus’ arm softly, “Your… arm,” Sirius realized he couldn’t reveal that he’d seen the other boy limp in. 

“Oh yeah, it happens. Burned my arm making cawl with Mam,” Remus said softly, closing his eyes, “No big deal.” 

Sirius wasn’t so sure, but let it lie. He looked at his friend, and noticed, “What happened to your face?!” _Subtle, Sirius._ But Remus was already asleep. 

Sirius lay down next to Remus on his back, shoulders touching, and reached down to lace their fingers together. 

He finally fell asleep. 

\- 

By the time they found out, it felt like they should have known. It was so obvious. The dates he left, the scars, the bruises, everything. Sirius felt terrible, angry in the way 12 year old boys only can be about being unable to protect their friends, sad that Remus hadn’t told him sooner, worried that they weren’t as good of friends as Sirius thought they were. They were shoulder to shoulder in the Great Hall, knees touching under the table - _because they’re best friends, all best friends should be this close_ \- while Remus drank pumpkin juice and ate toast. The scar across his face had faded into a thin white line, it moved when he smiled, stood out when he blushed. They were discussing what they were going to spend St. Andrew’s Day doing - or, Remus, Peter, and Sirius were. James was staring at Lily, who had leaned across the aisle to talk to a 6th year Ravenclaw - Xenophilius Lovegood - about something. 

Sirius leaned into Remus and put his lips close to his ear, “If looks could kill, I think Xeno would be aflame at this moment.” 

Remus laughed into his toast, “Well, James can’t tell the difference between flirting and talking so I’m sure we’ll hear about it later.” 

Sirius groaned, Remus pulled away a bit, and Sirius found himself suddenly cold. 

\- 

“What does she have in common with _Xenophilius Lovegood_?!” James exclaimed as they walked toward the Herbology greenhouses. 

“Brains?” Remus asked, irritated that this conversation had kept going beyond the Great Hall. 

“Beauty?” Sirius replied, brushing Remus’ shoulder with his. 

“The ability to see without glasses?” Peter answered, laughing. 

“I hate all of you.” 

“That’s nice, dear,” Sirius poked fun at James from behind, “Are you okay?” he whispered to Remus, their hands brushing as they walked down the hill. 

Remus smiled a little, the smile that made Sirius’ world shift on its axis, “Always.” 

Sirius wasn’t so sure, but didn't press it. They walked into the greenhouse, Sirius and Remus partnered up while Pete and James worked together, just like always. But something was off, again. But Sirius wasn’t going to ask - Remus would tell him eventually. He always did. 

\- 

Remus and Sirius were in Sirius’ bed studying for potions, Sirius guiding Remus through the steps to create a befuddlement draught, shoulder to shoulder, when James burst in, “What are you two doing?!” 

Remus looked up, “Studying,” he deadpanned, going back to his notes, “you should try it some time.” 

“Why would I do that when I can get by on my looks?” 

“What looks?” Sirius responded, not looking up. 

James threw his tie in the two boys’ general direction, “I need your advice, Remus.” 

Remus tilted his head back, hitting it on the wall behind him, “I’m not helping you with Lily. You need to figure that out yourself.” 

“Remus. Please. You spend so much time with her. Please,” James begged, standing at the edge of Sirius’ bed, “Please. Please please please please please pl-” 

“Oh my god,” Remus put his textbook next to him and pressed his forefinger and thumb to the bridge of his nose, “what do you want to know?” 

Sirius leaned into Remus, dropping his leg over the other boy’s, “This is pathetic, James.” 

“Shut up!” James sat on Sirius’ bed, “Literally anything, tell me anything.” 

“What do you want me to say? She hates you! She finds you deeply irritating. She actually thinks you’re both unbearable,” Remus said, closing his eyes, “You’re so obvious. Leave her alone.” 

“But I love her!” James flopped back, “She’s the light of my life! How can I show her that!” 

“By leaving her alone, James,” Sirius replied, “Leave her be. You can’t irritate her if you don’t talk to her.” 

“Honestly, that’s the best course of action,” Remus added, “She well and truly hates you, mate.” 

James groaned and flopped onto his back, “But what if she’s the one?” 

“Well, if you love someone let them go I suppose,” Sirius told him. 

“What if she doesn’t come back?” 

“Then she wasn’t the one,” Remus replied, shrugging. 

“I guess,” James looked at his friends, “Where’s Pete?”

Sirius shoved at James’ shoulder with his foot, “How the hell should we know?” 

**Potter Manor, December 1973**

The moon fell early in December, so everyone was ready to go home for the holidays - Peter with his parents, James and Sirius to the Potter’s house, Remus to Wales - with plans to meet up for New Years. They said goodbye, handshakes and hugs were exchanged, and they all went their separate ways. 

“Are you okay?” James asked Sirius while they waited for James’ parents. 

“Yeah, why?” 

“Your face, you look sad.” 

“I’m fine.” 

“He’ll be over for New Years, you know.” 

Sirius’ head whipped around, “Who?” 

James glared, looking over his round glasses at Sirius, “You’re kidding.” 

Sirius shrugged, “I’m fine, I have you!” Sirius put his arm around James’ shoulders and smiled at him. 

“Yeah, you do,” James returned the gesture, “You can’t sleep in my bed though.” 

“Well damn, and here I thought we had something.” 

“Sorry, kid. You’ll have to wait for Moony,” James let Sirius go and waved at his parents when they popped out of seemingly thin air, “Mum! Dad!” 

Euphemia and Fleamont Potter strode toward James and Sirius, “Boys! How are you?” 

Sirius was filled with joy, happy that James’ parents welcomed him with open arms for the weeks between Christmas and New Years when he couldn’t be at Grimmauld. He hugged Mrs. Potter, shook Mr. Potter’s hand, and with a pop he was at Potter Manor. It was done up for the holiday, lights and trees, and it looked so warm. So different from Grimmauld, cold and empty. 

“We have the guest room ready for you, Sirius,” Mrs. Potter told him, smiling softly in what Sirius assumed was a motherly fashion. 

“Thank you,” Sirius said, walking through the door feeling off, like the world had tilted on its axis. He was struck suddenly, by the feeling that he didn’t belong. The Potters were so welcoming, and he felt like he didn’t deserve it, “I hope it wasn’t too much trouble.” 

“Not at all!” Mr. Potter dropped a hand to his shoulder, “You’re welcome any time.” 

A bloom of warmth surged through Sirius at Mr. Potter’s touch, and he pushed down his feelings. He was _welcome_ at their home - _any time_ he reminded himself. People wanted him around. 

“It’s still pretty early,” James said, “wanna go find Peter and practice quidditch?”

Sirius smiled, “Yeah.” 

-

Christmas came and went in a blur of red and green, muggle Christmas songs playing on the radio, _White Christmas_ played on the TV while James and Sirius put away their gifts in their rooms. 

Sirius looked at the things the Potters gave him - a new jumper with stars on the sleeve, the new New York Dolls album, a few books - and felt that warmth in his chest again. _Belonging_ , _family_ his brain supplied. He thought about the letter he’d gotten from his mother, reminding him what a disappointment he was to her and his father, how great Regulus was doing at Hogwarts, vague threats of disownment - the usual. He ran his hand over the small gift from Peter, a new quill and some of Zonko’s newest products, and smiled - _friendship_. 

Finally, he pulled out his gift from Remus. It wasn’t much, but it was the most meaningful gift he’d ever received. James didn’t get it, thought it was a weird gift, but it was exactly what Sirius had wanted. It was a blanket - _probably handmade by Remus’ mum_ \- that had been charmed - _probably by Remus’ dad_ \- to have weight. Not much, only about 6kg, but enough that it was a comfort. It was warm, but not too warm, and fit right into the guest room - _his room_ \- at the Potter’s. There had been a note attached, but he had waited to read it until he was alone. 

_Sirius,_

_Happy Christmas! Hope yours is going well - it’s been raining and miserable here, but that’s not new._

_I hope you like your gift. My mam made the blanket for me when I was little, but obviously I can’t keep it in my room. Da charmed it to have weight. Maybe it’ll keep you calm over break._

_See you for New Years!_

_-Remus_

It meant the world to Sirius, and it was even more meaningful that it had been Remus’ as a kid. Warmth spread across his face - _blushing_ \- when he realized it. Suddenly, the world that had been off for the past week was right again - with just a note and a gift, Remus had righted what was wrong. 

He was fucked. 

-

Sirius and James slept in late on New Years Eve so they could stay up later. Mr. and Mrs. Potter were going to a party, leaving the four boys alone in the house the whole night to watch fireworks and eat snacks. Remus and Peter were coming around 6:00 to start celebrating - Peter from down the street, while Mr. Lupin would bring Remus via apparition. The sky was grey, but the two boys were bright and sunny. 

“Now don’t stay up too late,” Mrs. Potter told them as she puttered around the kitchen, preparing snacks for the boys “We’ll be back in the morning, so make sure you clean up before you fall asleep. Stay in the house.” 

“There are some fireworks in the shed, feel free to use them,” Mr. Potter winked as he followed his wife, wiping down the counter behind her, jumping away from his wife’s swatting hand. 

“We know, mum!” James interjected, “We know. Stay in the house, don’t play with fire, no kissing strangers…” 

“James!” Mrs. Potter shouted

“What?!” 

“No extra people - just you boys,” Mr. Potter smiled over his wife’s head, “You get into enough trouble as it is, no need for more.” 

“Fine, fine, fine.” 

Sirius was stuck on kissing - _kissing_ \- of all things. Sure he’d done it, Black looks worked on everyone apparently, but… weren’t New Years kisses supposed to be… special? Why would any of his friends be kissing anyone on New Years? 

They heard a _pop!_ in the garden, signalling that Lyall - _Mr. Lupin_ \- and Remus had arrived. They knocked on the back door, and Mr. Potter let them in, shaking hands with Remus’ dad. They exchanged pleasantries, before Mr. Lupin had to go - “Hope’s waiting on me” - and he was gone. 

Parents out of the way, James and Sirius attacked Remus, knocking him off his balance a bit before he righted himself, hugging his friends back, “It’s been like two weeks, guys.” 

“We missed you, mate!” James laughed, all wide smiles and love to give. 

“I missed you guys, too, but,” Remus shrugged, “get off, guys. I’m begging.” 

Sirius pulled back, smiling, “Sorry.” 

James followed, “Yeah, sorry…” 

“Remus!” Mrs. Potter cut through the joy with warmth, “Hello, dear!” She wrapped him in a warm hug, pulling him close. 

“Hello, Mrs. Potter,” Remus said into her shoulder. 

“Please, call me Euphemia,” Mrs. Potter - _Euphemia_ \- pulled back, eyes sparkling, “or mum works, if need be,” she winked back at Sirius. 

They repeated the entire exchange when Peter arrived, this time Sirius stuck close to Remus. He pushed his shoulder against Remus’, smiling - _shyly?_ \- and looking at him, “Good?” 

Remus pushed his shoulder back against his with a smile, “Always.”

Their hands brushed, that warmth came back into Sirius’ chest, and then the moment was gone. It disappeared into the warmth of the Potter’s house, still decorated from the holidays, and the comfort of their friends. 

\- 

11:50, James started speaking, “This sucks.” 

Sirius, laying on the floor with his head in Remus’ lap after eating too many snacks and drinking too much soda, looked at him, “What do you mean?” 

“It’s New Years, and there’s no one here to kiss,” James sighed. 

“I’m right here, babe,” Sirius joked, reaching his hand out to James, “you only have to ask.” 

James’ nose wrinkled, “Gross, that’d be like kissing my brother.” 

Peter’s voice came from the couch, “Well, I’m not kissing you.” 

Again, James’ groaned from the big chair, “Again, gross,” James’ eyes slid over the room, “Moony? Not gonna offer?” 

“And get rejected? No, thanks,” Remus’ deep voice came from above Sirius, his hand twirling through his hair. 

“Aw, I would never reject you,” James laughed, “come on, offer.” 

“Nope.” 

“Holding out for someone special?” 

“Again: nope. Just don’t want to kiss _you_.” 

James’ jaw dropped in mock shock, “You’re all missing out, I’m great.” 

Sirius scoffed, “And who have you been kissing, James? Your pillow?” This earned a glare from James, “Or the back of your hand?” 

“Neither. Mary. MacDonald,” James said definitively. 

“Bullshit,” Remus said. 

“No, it’s true. I saw them,” Peter said, “in our room, even.” 

“And you didn’t tell me,” Sirius said, “thought we were friends.” 

“You didn’t tell me you kissed her too,” James argued. 

Sirius shot up, “I did, too! You were too caught up in Lily to pay attention to us!” 

James turned red and leapt across the room, grabbing Sirius by the shoulders and shoving him down. Remus jumped out of the way before Sirius hit the ground, clamoring onto the couch next to Peter, “We should stop them.” 

“ _Y_ _ou_ can stop them, they’ll kill me!” 

Remus rolled his eyes and grabbed James by his shirt, leveraging his height to pull him off of Sirius, “James. What the fuck?” 

“Did you hear what he SAID?!” 

“He fucking ATTACKED ME!” 

“Both of you are assholes,” Remus said, releasing James’ shirt and checking his watch, “Come on, let’s go outside and watch the fucking fireworks, then you can kill each other.” 

They grumbled, pulled on their coats, and went to the front garden of the Potter’s house to sing _Auld Lang Syne_ and watch fireworks at midnight. Sirius pressed against Remus’ shoulder, their hands brushed, and their pinkies found each other. Hugs were exchanged between the boys, but their fingers never left each other. It wasn’t a kiss, but Sirius held onto that moment for years.

James and Sirius made up in the way brothers do - by shoving each other and laughing it off. 

Remus and Sirius stayed in the guest room - _Sirius’ room_. They were shoulder to shoulder on the small, twin bed - they were almost too big for it, but Sirius loved it regardless. 

“Did you have a good Christmas, Remus?” Sirius whispered into the dark. 

“It was alright. My mam’s family came over, so we did muggle things,” Remus whispered back, “Baking, movies, blanket forts with cousins. The usual. What about you?” Remus turned his head toward Sirius, staring at him through the dark. 

Sirius thought for a minute, “Yeah. The Potters are great. I got a new jumper, it has stars,” Sirius whispered, turning his head toward Remus’, “Letter from Mum.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

Sirius shrugged, “Nothing new. They’re threatening…” Sirius’ voice cut out, choking a bit, “uhm, they’re threatening to disown me.” 

“Oh, Sirius,” Remus’ hand found his, and he laced their fingers together, “I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s okay,” Sirius closed his eyes, not wanting to see pity, “Either they’ll do it or they won’t.” 

Remus was quiet, so quiet Sirius was sure he’d fallen asleep. Sirius opened his eyes to find the other boy awake, “Still,” Remus whispered, “I’m sorry.” 

Sirius didn’t know what to say. So he didn’t say anything. He lay there, with his best friend holding his hand, looking into his eyes, and found he wasn’t sad. 

“Goodnight, Sirius.” 

“Goodnight, Remus.” 

**Gryffindor Tower Dorms, November 1974**

“Stop pouting. He’s fine,” James told Sirius as they climbed up the stairs to their dorm. 

“What, exactly, are you talking about?” Peter asked, following behind them. 

“Moony.”

“Shut up, James,” Sirius said, “I’m not pouting.” 

“Bullshit.” 

“What would I have to pout about? Hm?” Sirius felt anger bubbling up, walking into their room and shutting the door behind them. 

“I don’t know, but I need you to get your shit together because I’m tired of it,” James said, flopping face first onto his bed. 

“I literally don’t want to hear it from you, Mr. Evans,” Sirius told him, climbing onto his bed. 

“I’m still not sure what we’re talkin’ about,” Peter said into the space between James and Sirius. 

“Sirius,” James started, “likes Moony.” 

“Shut. Up. James.” 

“What! Am I wrong?” 

Sirius was quiet. He pulled his curtains, and lay on his stomach, turning what James said over in his head. Of course he likes Moony - _Remus_ \- they’re best friends. They do everything together, plan pranks together, study together, read together, eat together, have detention together. Other than James, Remus was Sirius’ closest friend. But does that mean he _liked_ Remus? What does it mean to _like_ someone? He liked Mary, didn’t he? He liked everyone. Except his family. But they’re awful, so he didn’t count them. 

Someone knocked on his bed frame, before James’ head popped in, “Can I come in?” 

“Sure.” 

James climbed in, sitting with one leg under the other next to Sirius. Their hips were touching, but Sirius felt cold. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay.” 

“No, it’s not. I shouldn’t have said anything.” 

“I said it’s okay.” 

“If you’re sure…” 

“When have I ever been sure? About anything?” Sirius turned onto his side, propping his head on his hand. 

“Well never, but if you don’t want to talk about it it’s okay.” 

“I do, I just don’t know what to say.” 

“Well, we have all night.” 

Sirius sat up, back against the wall. He turned the thought over in his head, trying out the words before he said them, “I think…” his voice caught, suddenly nervous, “I think I like Remus.” 

“Remus.” 

“Yeah, you’ve met him. Tall, scarred, smart?” 

“Moony. You like Moony.”

“Yeah, I think so.” 

“Okay.” 

“Okay?” 

“Okay. You like Moony. Good.” 

“Good? It’s ‘good’ I like Moony.” _Remus_

“It’s good.” 

“Pete?”

“Yeah?” came the reply, just outside the curtains.

“Come on then.” 

Peter climbed in, lounging against the pillows on Sirius’ bed, “So… Moony.” 

Sirius groaned and dropped his head against the wall behind him. He couldn’t do this. Not with both of them, not like this, “Yeah.” 

“So…” Peter started, “are you queer?” 

“Pete!” James exclaimed. 

“What?!” 

“I don’t know,” Sirius started, “Maybe? Probably? Yeah?” Sirius’ mind was going a mile a minute, “Yes.” 

“Okay. So you’re…” James started. 

“Gay.” Sirius finished. 

“Oh.” 

Sirius’ neck nearly snapped up, looking Peter in the eye, “What?” 

“Nothing just… shocked.” 

“Why?” James laughed, “It’s obvious.” 

“Get out of my bed, now, assholes,” Sirius was laughing along with him, “Goodnight, goodbye.” 

James and Peter left, leaving Sirius alone again. But he wasn’t lonely. He felt like a weight had been lifted. Until he realized he’d have to tell Remus. 

-

Remus came back the next morning after James and Peter had gone to breakfast. Sirius was still asleep, curled on his side with the curtains of his bed open. It was Saturday morning, so he didn’t have to worry about missing classes or anything, so he moved slowly. He pulled off his jacket slowly - he had dislocated his shoulder last night and couldn’t move much - and slid off his t-shirt. He gingerly changed into his pyjamas, and walked slowly over to Sirius’ bed. This was the tradition, come back from the hospital wing, crawl into Sirius’ bed, sleep it off. Usually, though, Sirius was awake. Remus stopped halfway across the room, realizing how bad of an idea it would be to crawl into a sleeping man’s bed, and turned around. 

“Moony.” 

Remus stopped dead, turned back around, “Hm?” 

“I’m not asleep,” Sirius said, “C’mere,” he lifted his covers, and Remus crossed the room slowly and got in. 

“Thank you.” 

“Of course,” Sirius lay on his back, staring straight up at the canopy of his bed, shoulder to shoulder with Remus, “I… have to tell you something.” 

“Okay?” 

“I…” Sirius panicked, a cold sweat broke out across his brow, “I’m gay.” 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah.” 

“That’s not a bad oh,” Remus comforted, “It’s more of a… I know?”

Sirius groaned and put his arm over his eyes, “So everyone knew?” 

“No, I would venture to say that it’s just the four of us,” Remus soothed, “Just me, Pete, James, and now you.” 

“How was I the last to know?” 

“It’s hard to accept ourselves?”

“Maybe.” 

Remus yawned, stretched, and turned onto his side toward Sirius, “It’s okay, you know.” 

“Is it?” 

“It would be awfully hypocritical of me to tell you it’s not,” Remus said softly, “Given that I’m a werewolf, and a half-blood, and Welsh.” 

“You joke,” Sirius whisper back, “But all you need is to be a queer and you’ll be everything my mother hates.” 

“Ah, not long now,” Remus yawned again, “I’m flagging, Sirius.” 

“Goodnight, Remus.” 

“Goodnight, Sirius.” 

They slept the day away. By the time they woke up, it was nearly dinner time. Sirius woke up first, and realized they had curled around each other, all long limbs and torsos and heads on chests - _okay, the last one was just Remus on Sirius_ \- and dozing in the late afternoon sun was… perfect. Sirius stretched gently, trying not to disturb the sleeping boy if possible, and smiled a little. If he woke up this way regularly, he wouldn’t mind. He’d have to tell Remus eventually, but for now… 

“Sirius! Remus! Wake up!” James shouted, throwing the door open, “Dinner, lets go!” 

Remus groaned, nuzzling into Sirius’ chest a little, “Fuck off, James,” Remus’ arm gripped Sirius’ hip, and he thought he was going to die. 

“Let’s go love-birds, come on,” James jumped on the end of Sirius’ bed. 

“Again: fuck off, James.” 

“Oh for the love of…” James ripped the blanket off the two of them, resulting in an immediately irate Sirius. 

Remus rolled off of Sirius in just enough time for Sirius to sit up and shove James off the edge of the bed, “What the hell is your problem?!” 

“You, apparently. You’ve been asleep all day, it’s time for dinner, let’s fucking _go_ ,” James sat, legs under him, annoyed. 

“Jesus, James, I just woke up, can you possibly give me more than three seconds?” Remus was pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes, annoyed. 

“I guess.” 

“Patience, as they say, is a virtue.” 

“I… what?” James and Sirius stared at Remus as if he had transformed in front of them. 

“I- it’s a muggle expression, nevermind,” Remus rolled up to a sitting position, laughing, “Let me get dressed, hang on.” 

Sirius and James sat, waiting for Remus, but before long James shoved into him, “So?” 

“I told him,” Sirius looked at his hands, smiling a little, “just the gay thing, but he already knew.” 

“You’re going to have to tell him,” James reminded him. 

“Yeah, yeah.” 

Remus emerged from the bathroom, clothes changed, ready, “Let’s go.” 

James and Sirius stood, and the trio met up with Peter and they went to the Great Hall. Sirius and Remus bumped shoulders, brushed hands, and sat next to each other just like always - shockingly, nothing had changed. Sirius was relieved, and then met with a shock when Remus reached under the table and linked pinkies with him. 

Remus leaned over to whisper in Sirius’ ear, “Love-birds?” 

Blush crept across Sirius’ face and he looked at their hands, “Definitely ignore him, please.” 

“Hmmmm I don’t think so, Sirius,” Remus fully linked their hands, “I don’t mind the sound of it…” 

“Oh Remus, what will people say if they see us holding hands?”

Remus leaned closer, “Ask me if I care.” 

Sirius was going to die. 

**Grimmauld Place, August 1975**

“I will not have a faggot in this family!” Orion roared, “You are disgusting.” 

Sirius was in a corner, literally and figuratively. Orion had nothing to go on that Sirius knew of, except Sirius had refused to go on a date with some pure-blood girl that his parents were trying to set him up with. Unless… 

“Regulus.” Orion said. 

_Fuck._ They’d been so careful. So so careful. 

“It was bad enough that you were running around with Potter and Pettigrew, not to mention that half-breed Lupin. But this? This cannot be,” Orion was getting quieter, which was more dangerous, “This is impossible. There are no queers in the Black family. You will leave.” 

“Leave?” Sirius asked, “You want me to leave.” 

“Yes. Get the fuck out of my house,” Orion’s voice got harsher, “I’ll give you time to contact… someone. And get your things. But you are no longer welcome in this house.” 

“O-okay,” Sirius said, tentatively, “I’ll go… now.” 

“Perfect.” 

Sirius backed out of the study and ran to his room, grabbing everything he could find and throwing it into his trunk. He leaned out the window, calling for his owl to send a note to James. 

_James-_

_Getting kicked out. Need a place to stay. Please._

_\- Sirius_

He tied it to the leg of the owl, sent it to Potter Manor, and continued throwing things into his trunk. Jumper from two Christmases ago, letters from Remus and James and Peter, school books, saved pocket money. Everything he could. He didn’t even notice the young man standing in the doorway. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Sirius looked up to see Regulus standing in the doorway, looking at the floor, “S’okay.” 

“It’s not. You’re leaving me.” 

“Well, you knew this would happen when you told them,” Sirius replied coolly, “It happens.” 

“Why are you leaving?” 

“I have to.”

“No, you don’t. Just… stop.” 

“Stop what, exactly? Being friends with James and Peter? Dump Remus? Stop being gay? Which thing?” 

“All of it. Any of it that would keep you here.”

“I can’t.” 

“Why?” 

Sirius sighed, tossing a final textbook on top of his trunk and stood up, “Why can’t you stand up to them?” 

“I asked you first.” 

Sirius heard a tapping on the window and saw his owl there. He stepped across the room and took the note from him. 

_Sirius -_

_Dad will come get you. 10 minutes._

_\- James_

“Because I don’t want to. I like my friends and my life. I’ll make my choices, you make yours. I have to go now, Reg,” Sirius picked up his trunk and walked toward Regulus, patting him on the shoulder and pulling him in for a hug, warmth growing in his chest, “Love you.” 

“Love you,” Regulus patted him awkwardly, “By Siri.”

Sirius walked out of the front door of his childhood home, past the edge of the Fidelius Charm that hid Grimmuald from the world, into Mr. Potter’s arms. With a pop, he left his life behind. 


End file.
